My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
