So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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