Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
