Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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