the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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