i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
