Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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