I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
