THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
