sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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