So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
