I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
