dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
