Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
