she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
