You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
