he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's just like the Real World with babies
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
