Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
