I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
