i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
