1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will pee on everything he values.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
