Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize