one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
