I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
