Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
