WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
