he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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