SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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