I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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