I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
