I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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