Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
