Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
