ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just high enough for therapy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
