My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
