Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize