You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
