Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
