Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
