Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
