Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
