Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
