I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
