Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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