Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
