? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
