Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Vodka?
Forever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
