Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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