He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
