PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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