I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
