you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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