someone get that fucking seahorse.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
