Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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