Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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