either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
