today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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