I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
