You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
