that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize