Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
