Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
