Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
