Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
