I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
