What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
BRING THE BAGELS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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