I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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