I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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