You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize