He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
