Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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