i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
