I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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