She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
