my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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