I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize