whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
