Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
