fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
