I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
