He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just pynch a tree in the face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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