I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Text me some of your sweat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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