I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
