it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
